do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
