some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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