Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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