It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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