The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Houston, we have a blender
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
