My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
