they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
