ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
