maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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