If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
