You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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