have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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