Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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