oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
