My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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