tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
