bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
