So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Randomize
