I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
