Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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