I'm going to rape someone's good day.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
