How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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