Plan B is the new Plan A
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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