worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
