Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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