Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
