so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
