I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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