For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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