they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
