dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
