It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
