If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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