Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
