Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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