It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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