I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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