I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
