dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
