It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
