After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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