I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
