hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
