Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
