you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
