i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
