the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
