So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
