How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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