people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
