did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
