First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Enjoy the penises
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
