saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My vagina just recognized that song.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
