It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
