it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
