I wish I only lived at night.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
