Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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