i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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